Juggle.

Oh hello world!

I've been busy. Really busy.

Been juggling with working as an assistant to somebody *you'll know soon this somebody, she's really talented*, and studies, and family. Teaching has been put on hold until the new school semester starts. Another two months that is. Before life's back to super hectic again.

One of these days, I couldn't even stop and think about life for a sec. Every world I'm living in is very demanding. As much as I've set the priorities in order, but juggling those worlds gives me a new found respect for mothers and those whose been working triple job everyday to make ends meet.

I've lost a lot of weights. Everyone keeps on asking me "Why so thin? Have you eaten?". 

Lately I've been thinking a lot, while stealing time to think in between showers, traffic light stops and while waiting for elevator rides. 

Somehow I have to let go one of those worlds because I have more coming my way, much more expectations that I wouldn't have the heart to disappoint them. But how, how do I let go?

And I've been terribly missing my super bestfriends, perlis and been more lonely than ever.

Do I quit, do I not?
Am I strong enough? Am I not?


I need to choose.
And I've lost the idea of which is which.









p/s. in dire need of problem buyer. a sincere one. with no ulterior motives. just simply, a listener with a caring heart. because I'm a human too.

happy november. 

kecundang kah?

tak tau nak cakap macam mana.

i guess, it's not the time for anything, just yet, perhaps.
ahh.



p/s. boleh doa mintak butang restart kehidupan tak?

If.

I wish,

if it is him, make him close.
in any way he can be close to me.

if it is him, make him smile.
in any way I can make him.

if it is him, make him say.
in any way he wanted, genuinely.

if it is him, make him stay.
every way, every time, forever, don't stray.

if it is him, make us together.

if it is him, make him mine.






i do. i do.
want him, to be mine.

It feels like

telling something.

I met this one guy back when I was in National Service camp.

During those times, I thought he was one or the dorkiest guys in the camp with the few others. He asked weird questions and he reacted to everything in such weird manner.

We're in the same company, Alpha, and regularly hang out during riadah sessions. Both of us got to know of each other during this one weekend, where I was daydreaming in the middle of padang kawad, not under the hot sun though, of course under shade, he came and we talked. Well, I was there just to accompany both Amira and Addilla on their date with Anuar and Ariff while charging my phone as well.

Until this one weekend, during karaoke night, as I recall it, we suddenly talk bout our taste in music. I listed out mine, and he was taken aback, saying its a rare to find a girl that knows few bands as I did. Just for the record, any credits should go to my brother, Naim as for him who did the googling and what not, I just took his playlist and start off from there on. So, from there I got to know few bands and develop the interests. 

Since then we officially become friends.  Well, before that we're just each other acquaintance. Yeah, acquaintance who regularly hang out on weekends and riadah sessions. HAHAHA.

So we hit it off then.

Admitting to have a small crush on him afterwards, but nonetheless I value our friendship.

After we finished with the National Service, I kept in touch with those who were close. Including him.

Then, this one month, he called me. Saying he got a crush back in his college. And he said he had moved to Penang. Then few months after that, we got contacted with each other and I found out he already broke up with the girl. Quite harsh. And listening how regret he was, poor boy, it must be hard for him to break up with the girl he dearly love so much. 

Then I got into UiTM Perak.

Since his parents relocated momentarily in Perak, so I thought I'd give him a call.

Unfortunately ever since, I've yet to meet him. Time wont let us I guess. HAHA.

He was in a new place, not that far, and trying to get love bug bite again. I told him to find me one, and I would find him one, being each other match maker. 

He found one on his own.

Glad to hear he's happy again with his own Bella.

I've yet to find my Peeta Mellark. HAHAHA

We're still friends. Not that close, but I think I can trust him with anything. He once had said how he trusts me and glad I was there for him at crucial times. 

There's no particular reason of me telling this. 

Just recalling how good our friendship is. 

We may not contacting each other regularly, 

but boy we spill all the dirts of our life everytime we got in touch.

I'm bluffing, NOT ALL. of course. I'm not telling him when does my period cycle and

what under garments I'm wearing. HAHA certainly not those.

But it is nice to know that at least he's willing to listen.

And he knows I'm his regular problem buyer.

Friendships are not something you can toss around and mess it all up.

p/s. told you, it just feels like telling today. nothing more.

p/s lagi. strangers make better friends than the ones you got. sometimes. 

p/s bukan entry. people bitch round the clock. I dont mind. I bitch too. but do it correctly. #randomthoughts.