Ada Apa Dengan Cinta

Perempuan by Rangga

Perempuan datang atas nama cinta
Bunda pergi karena cinta
Digenangi air racun jingga adalah wajahmu
Seperti bulan lelap tidur di hatimu
Yang berdinding kelam dan kedinginan

Ada apa dengannya?
Meninggalkan hati untuk dicaci
Lalu sekali ini aku melihat karya surga
Dari mata seorang hawa
Ada apa dengan Cinta

Tapi aku pasti akan kembali dalam satu purnama
Untuk mempertanyakan kembali cintanya
Bukan untuknya, bukan untuk siapa
Tapi untukku
Karena aku ingin kamu
Itu saja…

Ada apa dengan cinta?

Entahlah. Dah nak menginjak usia 28tahun, tapi aku masih berkeadaan malang dalam bercinta. Either I screwed things up or I was just hoping too much. I met a guy just before my birthday last year. By met I meant I swiped right on his profile on Tinder. I decided sometime in November last year to finally give Tinder a go. What I've got to lose? Apparently, I didn't think far.

We went on a date and I was smitten. Finally, I met someone that I want to date but can I date him though? Long story short, he wasn't as interested in me as I was in him. Here's a thing, I didn't take it seriously when someone told me before that I'm hopelessly romantic. After the Tinder guy, I started to think that someone is right after all. 

I went into "frust" mode and eventually gave up to go and start dating again. Even the guy I've crushed for awhile put me in a friend zone around the same time. Wohooo Bravo Puts. Double reject. Another 'heartbreak'. Only those who knows how serious they are when it comes to relationships can get what I felt at that time.

Then came E. I knew him from social media before. He's a friend of a friend of a friend of mine. I followed him not too long ago on Twitter because I follow everyone on Twitter these days. We practically 'met' at Incubus' concert. He saw my photo with Brandon Boyd/Ben Kenney that I posted, and we interacted. He was there as media, since he's a photographer. 

One night during my usual hangouts with my friends in Bangsar, he asked me out for drinks. I was recovering from somewhat a heartbreak. We set up the meeting. It was in TTDI's quaint cafe just near to my previously frequented lepak place. I thought, why not? What else I've got to lose? I've already "heartbroken" at that point. I didn't bother to look good. I arrived a bit late that the agreed time. I wasn't nervous. I just..went.

We started dating soon after. He makes me happy. He made me happy. I fell for him. He said he loves me too or rather, he loved me too. We were happy or rather, I was happy. I didn't care for anything else. Or maybe I should've cared a little. Maybe I was a mistake for him. Unsaid things, lingering feels.

Maybe I screwed things up again. I don't know. I've already put away my hope. I've already out of my ways. I've already cried like a mad person inside my car for a good hour tepi highway without care of the stares I got from nearby bikers. Here's another thing, I've already accepted the fact that I may not ever get married or be with someone. Things changed after I met E. I was so hopeful. Maybe I had never loved anyone (outside family and close friends) so much. It hurts. But to be so unfortunate in love? How can I survive that? 

Ada apa dengan cinta?

Tanya aku lagi, aku cakap tiada apa. 

Bahagia kalau bertuah jumpa. 

Sayang belum tentu dibalas setara. 

Ada apa dengan cinta?

Mungkin jawapan ada pada dia.

Aku bersungguh cinta, 

Aku bersungguh suka,

Tapi kalau hati tak sama,

Aku takkan boleh paksa.

I should've keep myself away.

I should've just.

Mungkin dah patut mula sendirian kembali.

Kena belajar. Walaupun tak suka.

Kawan kawan tak boleh tunggu aku kahwin dulu baru nak cari jodoh masing masing.

In fact, kawan kawan aku rata rata dah kahwin. Yang single pun dah nak kahwin.

Tinggal aku. Tapi bila bercinta pun menyusahkan lelaki, mungkin patut aku sendiri.