September 20, 2017


I wasn’t the coolest kid around. I tend to be “poyo” or “try hard” growing up. I wasn’t myself. I was trying to please those around me, I tried hard for their attentions and would just make myself adapt with whatever that was going on so that I can fit in, so that I can be one of them. 

Primary school was easy peasy. You fought, you made up. You laughed again. Repeat cycle until you realised you’re no longer in primary school. This was where, I thought how my life would be forever. The innocence of little child.

Secondary school was where the challenges start. You developed hatred. You developed love. You developed feelings. While trying to find yourself in the middle of crowd you wanted to impress, eventually you’d lose yourself. This was where I developed myself.

Then college entered the picture. You found freedom. No one is looking over your shoulder, micro-controlling your life. You found out how to lie, what’s cool meant for you, you found out people hated you for next to no reason. This was where, I know myself.

It took me up until college years for me to understand myself. To see who’s worth to have in my life and who doesn’t. I realised I don’t have to impress anyone, except at work, I just need to be myself. I just need to improve myself. I don’t have to be cool for anyone. I just have to be me and do whatever that makes me happy. Like ice creams. Ice creams is my happiness. Those around you will stay for who you are. There’s no need to justify your doing.

I still cannot define the term “cool” among cliques cause what’s cool, actually? What does a person have to do to be “cool” in order to impress you? 

I can’t simply impress anyone. I can’t fit in just about everywhere. Nobody will find me interesting every time. I will make adjustment to myself when necessary. I learnt this when I got to know myself.

I don’t see myself as a “cool” person and don’t intend to be one in future. I like my bubble now. And if anybody gonna find me interesting/cool every time, I hope that anybody is the person I’ll be marrying to. 

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